A few hours ago I wrote that I was sad that I had no embryos to freeze. I'm still in awe of that. I find it hard to believe that 5 embryos looked good yesterday and none looked good today. I will leave that to God though.
As I sit here by myself on the couch watching tv (something that rarely happens these days), I have lots of time to think. Isn't it amazing that so many people get pregnant every day and go about their business like it's nothing. They never have to worry about the two week wait, they never have to go through fertility treatments, they never worry about miscarriage. That's sooo foreign to me. Infertility makes pregnancy such a gift but also such a worry. It makes you constantly worry about every twitch, symptom, pain, etc. It makes you pray every minute that you get a healthy baby. When you do it's such a gift and you get so mad at those people who take it for granted. I have always said that when I get to heaven I will ask God why people who want babies have a hard time and people who don't conceive them easily.
I also know that this is my "thing" from God. I believe everyone has a "struggle" in life that brings them closer to God and this is mine. I'm praying that these two embryos are doing well inside and the thrive and grow into healthy babies.
4 Years...
11 years ago
5 comments:
Oh do I ever hear you! First I am very sorry to hear about your embryos:( I know firsthand how heartbreaking that is - last time we didn't have any left and no hope of having some to freeze, but this second cycle we did have a few and were sad too when they didn't make it. I hope you're able to find a little encouragement from my story though, both cycles I was fearful and largely didn't feel very hopeful but had success! Even somehow with all of my fertility issues. And I know what you mean about it feeling unfair that people who don't seem to want babies as much/at all seem to have no problem conceiving whereas for us infertiles it's SO hard..I get it. I too have wonderered before why infertility is my cross to bear? You're right that it doesn't seem fair..The people who seem most deserving of having babies often have more struggles to get there. I think yours is a great question to ask God! I would love to know the answer to that one;)..I am confident, however, that He does know what He's doing, and I believe He has a PERFECT plan for your life and for completing your family. I am praying every day that this cycle is part of it and that your little babies snuggle in tight for these next nine months! Hang in there. Praying for peace and comfort to cover your worry today - I know how much that can affect you. Remember God is with you! And He is mightily watching over all of this. Try to stay hopeful:) I know many of us are hopeful for you! And are praying for you and thinking about you.
I'm sorry that your news wasn't better.
God's plan is higher than ours, but it can be so hard to see what possible good their can be in the midst. I know we waited many years for our first little one, but in the end the timing was better than ours. As a total change from that, one of our other children was completely unplanned (by us, anyway). And God's hand was firmly in that too.
I pray that you have a sweet bundle in your arms in nine months, but even more than that I pray that you will feel God's love and care over this, which means so much to you. As His treasure, He cares greatly about the desires of your heart.
One of my favorite verses to repeat to myself in times when I'm struggling to see how this could possibly be the best way is Romans 8:28 (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.)
We may never fully understand some of the reasons on this side of heaven, which is frustrating, but I am thankful for a God that is bigger than my doubts, frustrations, questions, fears, and little plans. And I know you are too.
Hugs and prayers.
Hi Ashley! Just got your message - gosh I sometimes so wish there was a 'reply' function on blogger like on FB:) So I'm replying on your post as well - hope that's okay! To answer your q I waited the full two weeks - til my beta - before picking up John. I was just too nervous before then. It for sure wasn't easy, esp. at that time since he intuitively seemed to know 'something was up,' and was more clingy than usual. But I just let his Daddy do most of the carrying and he did get used to it. Even now I seldom pick him up and he seems to have adjusted quite well:) Luckily it is a temporary thing. Good luck with your little girl! I'm sure she will understand that Mommy's more fragile right now, even if she doesn't totally understand why;)
The same thing happened with my embryos, one day fine and the next none to freeze. I kept wondering if the embryos didn't make it too freeze in one day what about the embryos we had just transferred.....had they pooped out also? BUT they were both going strong. Hang in there and take it easy.
Boss Matka
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